When a Successful Woman Faces an Unsuccessful Marriage

A very successful woman once came to me, frustrated and confused. She said, “I don’t know how to get my husband to be a better man.” As a marriage coach, I know the statistics: when one spouse seeks counseling alone, the chances of the marriage ending in divorce are exceedingly high. Understanding this, I strongly encouraged her to invite her husband to the next session.

He arrived, but reluctantly. His demeanor was defensive, and he felt attacked. “There’s nothing wrong with me,” he said. “She’s the one who needs therapy.” His words crushed her. For years, she had carried the weight of their struggling marriage, believing it was her fault. Now, she sought ways to change herself, hoping it might salvage the relationship.

Our sessions focused on her learning to communicate more effectively and understanding what her husband needed. She worked tirelessly to be the best version of herself as a wife. She poured love, respect, and effort into the relationship. Yet, no matter how much she gave, her husband refused to meet her halfway. He ignored her requests, dismissed her feelings, and continued taking from her without giving anything back.

Over time, she began to see the truth: the state of her unhappy marriage was not her fault. She was married to a boy, not a man. This realization was liberating but also terrifying. She knew she had to walk away, yet fear kept her stuck.

Financial fear whispered that she wouldn’t be able to support her children on her own. Emotional fear warned that her kids might resent her for leaving their father. Physical fear painted a picture of exhaustion—working full-time while being a single parent. These fears paralyzed her.

I told her something simple but powerful: once you make the right decision for yourself, the universe will support you. And it did.

She faced her fears one by one. She created a financial plan, ensuring she could provide for her children. She sought emotional support from friends and family, helping her navigate the guilt and sadness. She restructured her life to balance work and parenting, finding strength she didn’t know she had.

In the end, she chose to leave her marriage. But she did so with kindness and integrity. Fear no longer dictated her life. She and her ex-husband worked together to co-parent effectively, prioritizing their children’s well-being. Both eventually found happier, more fulfilling lives apart.

The experience taught her—and me—an important lesson: sometimes, leaving is an act of love. Love for yourself, love for your children, and even love for the person you’re letting go of. Divorce is not a failure; it’s a choice. And like marriage, it must be the right decision for both parties.

I believe in marriage. I also believe in divorce. Both require courage, clarity, and compassion. For this woman, ending her marriage wasn’t the end of her story—it was the beginning of a better one. And for many others, that’s a possibility worth embracing.