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A Serial Cheater and a Restored Marriage

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A Serial Cheater and a Restored Marriage

A woman, married for over ten years to the father of her two boys, came to me ready to call it quits. Her husband had cheated again after promising he would never do it again. She explained that forgiving him the first time was already one of the hardest things she’d ever done. He had begged her not to leave him back then, promising he would change. But when he broke that promise, something inside her broke too. She felt drained, defeated, and unwilling to fight for their marriage anymore. Yet, despite her anger and bitterness, she found herself in my office, curious to see what marriage counseling could do.

Her husband’s demeanor was remorseful. He admitted to loving his wife and not wanting to lose his family. Yet, he had cheated—more than once. As he spoke, the phrase “Once a cheater, always a cheater” echoed in my mind. But I also knew better. I understood why people cheat, and I knew there was hope if—and only if—he was genuinely willing to change.

The key to stopping the cycle of infidelity lies in uncovering the problem someone is trying to solve by cheating. Cheating is often a symptom, not the cause. Once he identified what need he was trying to meet in unhealthy ways, we could work together to help him meet that need differently. This process required brutal honesty, vulnerability, and a deep commitment to change.

While he worked on addressing his behavior, his wife began a separate journey—one of acknowledging her pain, anger, and shattered trust. It wasn’t easy. Her bitterness was a shield protecting her from further heartbreak. But as her husband’s actions began to align with his words, she cautiously lowered her guard. He had to prove, through consistent and meaningful actions, that he was committed to rebuilding what he had broken.

Eventually, she began to see the effort he was putting into their marriage, and for the first time in years, hope sparked within her. Slowly, they began to see each other’s perspectives. She saw a man who truly regretted his actions and was taking responsibility for his choices. He saw a woman who, despite her pain, was willing to open her heart again.

The road to restoring their marriage wasn’t easy. It required time, patience, and a willingness to lean into uncomfortable conversations. But together, they rebuilt their trust, rekindled their love, and, most importantly, chose to fight for their family.

Today, they continue their journey, grateful for the work they’ve done and the love they’ve rediscovered. Every now and then, I receive messages from them, thanking me for helping them through their darkest chapter. Their story is a testament to the resilience of the human heart and the transformative power of commitment and understanding.

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Hi, I'm Kimberly

Licensed clinical social worker and relationship coach